I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
