At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
