Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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