So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
