There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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