but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
ok first of all what the fuck
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
