Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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