I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
