How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
