My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
