Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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