those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
