areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
