i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
