I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You ruined the universe
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
