I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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