im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
