apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
