Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
