I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
