brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Kiss
Puke
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
