Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
