So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize