At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
