i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
sarcasm needs its own font
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
