Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think my fart just growled at me.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
