What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
