you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
