i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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