There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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