not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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