They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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