i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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