I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
