He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
