after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
