you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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