I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
