I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize