and she was petting her beer can
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
