I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
