And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
