He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
