Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
