its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
