Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
