margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
