Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
