his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
