my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
