I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
