i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
