I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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