I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
