Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
