i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
