I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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