i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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