in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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