Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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