I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Girls should come with a carfax report
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
