What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
