I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
