she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
