Already got asked if we're dating
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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