I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
