"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
