if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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