I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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