I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize