Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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