I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
