Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He better not be in your backpack
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
