Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize