I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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