He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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