WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I got inside last night via doggy door
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
