I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
What drink are we having for lunch?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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