I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize