my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
