you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My liver just had a heart attack.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
