you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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