its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
