Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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