I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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