I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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