So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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