Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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