I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
