The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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