Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he thought i was a dude.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
