Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
