You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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