i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
