I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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