About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
