Midget sex pt 2 tonight
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
