Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
