I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
