It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
