I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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