The maid of honor just puked.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Randomize
