I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
