Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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