Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
