how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
