a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
