It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
