Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
